Your Strength May Also Be A Source of Weakness

As I share the “Little Way” philosophy with others, I find myself taking a closer look at my own self; not only who I am now, but also who I wish to become. It is in this self-reflection that I’ve learned my strengths and weaknesses. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been strong and strong-willed; fiercely independent and self-reliant; disciplined and self-directed. These ‘mustang’ qualities have served me well for many years, helping me through some really tough times. For example, strength and strong will helped me survive a life-threatening illness as a child. Independence and self-reliance gave me incentive to get good grades and pursue college when teachers and family had doubts about my ability. Discipline and self-direction allowed me to pursue my passion for writing as a career when told I would never earn a living doing it. I also drew on these qualities to help me through a tough marriage, a subsequent divorce, single parenting of two, job loss, financial struggles, and more. The very same qualities that encouraged me to start a business; make substantial changes to my life when my life hit rock bottom seven years ago; as well as learn and grow in so many beautifully incredible ways since then.

Having experienced so many miracles these past few years, I feel as though God expects more of me now. That I must now find a way to tame these mustang qualities that I’ve grown to rely on as they are now becoming my weaknesses, making my life far more difficult than it needs to be. For example, after being single for many years, I met Justin last year. He’s proven to be an incredible man, possessing many of the qualities I seek in a partner: smart, funny, spiritual, attentive, appreciative, and affectionate. Yet as blessed as I am to have him in my life, I find that my strong will often gets in the way of compromise. Then there’s the recent economic downturn. With the past year being a financial struggle, my independent streak has gotten in the way of asking for or accepting help from friends and family more than once. If that isn’t enough, pride and self-discipline for a time limited my choices and possibilities in seeking part-time work to supplement my income.

While not fully tamed, recent hardships have tamed this mustang considerably. In asking for help, humility brought new strength. In relying on family, friends, and local community service agencies for support, I’ve been freed from self-sufficiency and shown the world is a source of unlimited abundance. Most of all, in turning over control of my life and my challenges to God, my life has greater purpose and far more direction.